Warriors are you fed up, worn out and to the point where you’re stressed to no end and feeling you just can’t do it anymore? IT being anything that others maybe expecting from you or limitations that you’re expected to exceed in spite off or explaining your day to day struggles though they’re being ignored or rebuked. It is your time to step back, take a stand and say “I Just Really Can’t Do It Anymore”. It is time to think about what is best for you and how you manage to cope with Rheumatoid Arthritis and its devastation. Continue reading “RA -Explaining It-I Just Can’t Do It Anymore”→
I am the face of Rheumatoid Arthritis
I smile when all I want to do is cry
I cry when all I want to do is sleep
I can’t sleep even though I’m so tired I can’t even think
I can’t think because my mind is so confused by medication
My medication may work but it’s making me sick
I’m sick because of the side effects of all of this medication
This medication is the gateway to my fatigue
The fatigue rules me day and night leaving me drained
I’m drained and I’m unable to figure out how to make myself move
When I move I realize I’ve lost so many of my abilities
My abilities are limited and I stare into the face of guilt Guilt is with me when I get up and when I lay down loading me with depression Depression has become my constant companion and I can’t seem to leave it behind me
I try hard to leave it behind but this disease just won’t let me
It all leaves me tired, worn out, frustrated and filled with loneliness Loneliness, another one of my enemies but did I mention my pain
My pain is real and not in my head like so many has said
Many say this because they can’t see all that I feel The illusion of Rheumatoid Arthritis!
Actually there is so much more that people don’t see that we’re facing brought on by this disease. There is the lack of understanding, lack of support and our pride may never have been mentioned but that has a big place in our lives. Imagine losing your hair without warning or standing in the mirror one day combing your hair and there’s more in your comb than on your head. What about the weight gain that creeps up on you little by little or maybe it seems it happened overnight. Or it could be weight loss you’re fighting because of adverse reactions to your medication. These are just some of the things that we suffer with in silence because no one understands how much these things affect us. If only for a little while others could walk in our shoes, they would know our suffering and understand this disease so much more.
We are the faces of Rheumatoid Arthritis and we are many. We are different but we are the same. We are the brothers and sisters of a disease that pulls us together as one because we understand each other better than anyone else can. We are forever bonded together by 2 words Rheumatoid Arthritis.
You wake up if you have the luxury of sleeping at all, try your best to get your day going but there is something holding you down, Fatigue. That thing that’s weighing on you like a ton of bricks, that thing that’s sucking your energy from you from your head to your toes. You can’t move no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you will your body to get up and go. The bed at this time is your ally. You lay in it when you can’t move or when you reach for it for support when you stumble back as you try to stand up but find that you just can’t. Our fatigue is not just being tired, it is being exhausted. It is a feeling you can’t explain to others to make them understand. Fatigue, yes we’re all so familiar with it.
You try your best to move through the exhaustion but it’s much harder than you ever imagined. You wonder when did this all began. Finally you realize this disease Rheumatoid Arthritis snuck it in on you before you knew what happened. You see, standing at the sink brushing your teeth became a chore and that should be a simple thing to do. You stare at yourself in disbelief wondering is this really real and that body in the mirror staring back lets you know, yes you are that person so worn out and exhausted. Sleep isn’t the answer, resting isn’t the answer nor is relaxing the answer. Our body is fighting us and we just have to wait for it to fix itself even if it takes a long time or if ever. Fatigue runs rampant with this disease that we are fighting and living with.
We’re fighting fatigue and that battle is a hard one. It doubles the torture we face daily with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Through the pain we have to deal with comes the fatigue that is brought on by our meds and our bodies trying to protect us. We are grounded by these 2 more than anyone will ever really know. No one can imagine trying to carry on a day struggling against pain while not having the strength to do so. It does no good to wish for a work day or day to end and our night to begin because sleep is not the cure for our enemy Fatigue. The thing that wrings our bodies dry.
How does it feel to be too exhausted to think, I’m sure no one can imagine that. You really won’t know the answer to that unless you felt it, unless your walk has been in one of our shoes. You can barely move and you certainly can’t get your mind to focus to make yourself move so there it is, your whole body controlled by fatigue. It is awful to feel that you are useless because of a body that just can’t do what you want. All of this makes you feel guilty towards yourself and those in your life. Does this sound extreme!! Maybe to some but this is no exaggeration. Getting up and to have to lay back down in exhaustion is a cry that we cry many days. It is something that is a struggle at the simplest level and there’s no cure for us. We are saying yes but our bodies are saying I just cannot. So the fight to go is an ongoing fight, one that fatigue so often wins.
Fatigue: Extreme tiredness from mental or physical illness. “He/She was nearly dead with Fatigue”. Sounds familiar!!
I’ve lost my identity to Rheumatoid Arthritis. Yes I see myself and I may look the same but in reality I’m not the same. This disease has me asking “Who Am I” and how do I come to accept the person that disease has made me. It’s hard but I will. My Fate My Foe!! Continue reading “RA-Rheumatoid Arthritis, My Fate-My Foe”→
You look at yourself in the mirror, you may smile or you may break down and cry. You smile because you may want to see yourself as you’ve always been but you may shed tears because you know that you’re no longer that person anymore and never will be again when it comes to doing all that you once could before Rheumatoid Arthritis came into your life. That person staring back is not the person who you once were but a silhouette of that person so you find yourself grieving for the “YOU” that’s lost to a disease that haunts you and those in your life in a way that you were never in a million years prepared for. You hug yourself in an effort to reassure yourself that everything is going to be okay but in reality you know that your life is in for a tough go and it has been forever changed and will never be okay the way it use to be. How quickly did this disease snatch your old life away and set in motion grief and guilt that weighs on you because you can’t live life the way you once could and the way you want too. Where have I gone? Continue reading “RA – Rheumatoid Arthritis-Grieving For That Old You”→