I am the face of Rheumatoid Arthritis
I smile when all I want to do is cry
I cry when all I want to do is sleep
I can’t sleep even though I’m so tired I can’t even think
I can’t think because my mind is so confused by medication
My medication may work but it’s making me sick
I’m sick because of the side effects of all of this medication
This medication is the gateway to my fatigue
The fatigue rules me day and night leaving me drained
I’m drained and I’m unable to figure out how to make myself move
When I move I realize I’ve lost so many of my abilities
My abilities are limited and I stare into the face of guilt
Guilt is with me when I get up and when I lay down loading me with depression
Depression has become my constant companion and I can’t seem to leave it behind me
I try hard to leave it behind but this disease just won’t let me
It all leaves me tired, worn out, frustrated and filled with loneliness
Loneliness, another one of my enemies but did I mention my pain
My pain is real and not in my head like so many has said
Many say this because they can’t see all that I feel
The illusion of Rheumatoid Arthritis!
Actually there is so much more that people don’t see that we’re facing brought on by this disease. There is the lack of understanding, lack of support and our pride may never have been mentioned but that has a big place in our lives. Imagine losing your hair without warning or standing in the mirror one day combing your hair and there’s more in your comb than on your head. What about the weight gain that creeps up on you little by little or maybe it seems it happened overnight. Or it could be weight loss you’re fighting because of adverse reactions to your medication. These are just some of the things that we suffer with in silence because no one understands how much these things affect us. If only for a little while others could walk in our shoes, they would know our suffering and understand this disease so much more.
We are the faces of Rheumatoid Arthritis and we are many. We are different but we are the same. We are the brothers and sisters of a disease that pulls us together as one because we understand each other better than anyone else can. We are forever bonded together by 2 words Rheumatoid Arthritis.