Be quiet, don’t talk. No one hears you. Is this how you feel sometimes when you need to reach out to someone to talk about what you’re going through but instead you keep quiet, say nothing and suffer in silence.
You’re hurting so bad and you want to tell someone but instead you keep it to yourself because you have so many mixed feelings about it. You lay in bed noticing every pain that goes through each of your joints and find your bed has become your best friend. It has become your best friend because it’s the one thing that’s holding you close and keeping you warm and secure with the pain that you will never get use too. Your bed has become the comfort that you need when it should be the people in your life that you should be able to turn to instead. It has become the thing that hears your sad words and soak up the tears that run down your face as you’re suffering alone. Having Rheumatoid Arthritis and suffering in silence is something that each and every one of us can attest too at some point and time in our lives.
I often find myself lying in bed moving my hands and feet as if I’m exercising trying hard to ease the pain but it won’t go away. How do you explain that to someone who hasn’t experienced it. How do you reach out and explain when it can sound so crazy as you think about it yourself. I eventually give up and realize sooner or later some relief may come but my problem is why can’t I share this awful feeling with anyone. Why can’t I let someone know that I’m tossing and turning trying to ease the pain in my body once again. Why, because they wouldn’t understand this is a daily and nightly thing that I and so many of us go through. They wouldn’t understand that as we settle down in what is our quietness, the jolt of our reality hits us hard. The reality of having Rheumatoid Arthritis, a disease that can make you silent even though so much of you is screaming out loud.
Why do we feel the need to be silent so much? Mainly because of the stigma of being thought of as complainers or people that are looking for sympathy or even someone who’s looking for attention. But who would want to go through the tortures of this disease for any of these reasons. If anyone who doubt us could stand in our shoes for any length of time would give up those ideas just as fast as they thought of them. They would know in an instant what we feel and all that we go through is real and it is constant. Not one thing is a fabrication or a call for anything other than what it really is. So often we sit in silence and alone dealing with our pain, sadness and isolation because this has become a part of survival with RA. Silence has become our partner in this struggle, not because we want it but because we have so often been forced into it.
Fighting the battle of silence which is a form of isolation can be devastating when you’re fighting this disease with all that you have. What we hope for as people with an auto immune disease is that everyone would accept that we are sick, not complainers, not sympathy seekers or weak people but people that are fighting to make it day to day with an enemy that has no boundaries and no timelines on how and when it will strike us the hardest. That means our days are uncertain, different and sometimes hard to manage so we deal with them the best that we can in anyway that we can. Silence is an awful enemy but it is one that we often deal with because it is part of our survival which in turn is a terrible thing!!
Thank you for reading my post and for your understanding.
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