I wish I could do more, I wish I wasn’t sick, I hate myself for having this disease! Is this you? Is this what you’re thinking when you feel you’re failing yourself and those in your life.
Are you feeling guilty for being sick and not being able to do what would have been normal for you before your journey with Rheumatoid Arthritis! The things that you never had to put thought into doing before. Are you so burden with guilt that it’s making it almost impossible to do with ease the things that you can do. This is what this disease does to our lives. Wrack us with guilt at a cost for everyone involved.
Feeling vulnerable, lost and incapable can become the norm for those of us suffering with a chronic disease. Chronic meaning life time, every day and forever. Life known with normalcy is lost and adjusting to our new found way of living can be difficult. What we’ve been accustomed to most of our lives has slipped away slowly or for some quite quickly and making that adjustment isn’t easy. Seeing our lives change has taken an enormous toll and an emotional one but it goes deeper than many will ever know or can imagine just by looking at us. Any emotional pain of having a chronic disease is so often overlooked and it can be devastating. Losing yourself in any way can be emotional and devastating.
When you’re unable to perform daily task that many take for granted, it can be very despairing. No one understands how it feels not being able to provide for yourself or your family in a way that you feel you should or have too. So as you struggle to get the simplest task done, imagine the pain of struggling to get something more difficult done all the while dealing with the guilt that weighs on you heavily. Though we put forth our greatest effort, many times we fall short even with the best that we’re giving. You face the emotional pain of feeling like a failure to yourself but most of all to your family when the let down is inevitable. The guilt creeps in and make you feel you’re not doing your part because you aren’t strong enough or whole enough anymore. The guilt because you are the one who is sick and you are the one who can’t do what was once easy for you.
Though we are not responsible for being sick with RA, this disease makes us feel that we are. It has changed who we are and how we are and how we feel about ourselves when it comes to the limits put on our lives. What adds to our problems is the fact that many do not understand our limitations when it comes to having Rheumatoid Arthritis. Though we don’t all face the same disabilities, we have all been changed in some form thus causing us to face a mountain of guilt just the same. But what we as sufferers have to do is try to let go of that guilt. There’s no reason for us to feel guilty because we are sick. It is painful and it is unfair.
Finally, remember guilt can be paralyzing, so let us try not to let it take over our lives because we have RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS. If we could do better, we would do better.
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