I am sick with a chronic disease known as Rheumatoid Arthritis and I must say it should be known as Rheumatoid Disease. It is a life altering, life long disease which means I will always be sick. I will always have difficult days which can vary from day to day. This is what my life is like with RA, so I ask “Am I A Burden To You or Am I Becoming One”.
Having RA means never knowing from one day to the next how life will be. The question is will you be sick or will you be sicker. This is what we experience battling this disease that is so destructive. Some of us maybe fortunate to have an okay day or two while some suffer horrendously throughout their day and night but we are all suffering. Everyday is a day that’s driven by what being chronic means and how it affects us. We’ve come to hate a disease that has interrupted our lives thereby affecting the lives of those we love so much. What we go through has changed their lives as wells ours, so I ask am I your burden.
You see we’ve lost our abilities to do so many things as we suffer from pain that runs deep, fatigue that can’t be measured and medication that can make us sick and putting some of us down and out. We are no longer the happy people we once were thriving around the house or someone who could once go in a moment’s notice. Instead we are bogged down with the barriers of this disease and becoming someone you’re not use to having around. Not only are we dealing with all that has been thrown at us by RA, our guilt takes on a persona of its own. This can leave you stuck in a mode where you can’t function emotionally while struggling to function physically. No one can imagine the guilt we face. It is relenting and it is very unhealthy in a life dealing with unhealthy affects of many kind. We feel it is because of us that everything we’ve known has changed therefore this is the burden we carry making us wonder have we your burden.
There is no emotional hurt that can show what it feels like when your child wants to play or spend simple time with you or your spouse wanting time with you or the family wanting time but you cannot even make yourself move. You find it hard to make it work when your body is telling you I just can’t do it. Though it is not our fault that we are no longer the strong person we use be this comes as a burden that no one will understand. Because others have to step in many times to fill the void for us, this can be overwhelming on everyone and this is why we feel we have become someone who maybe a burden even though this may not be true.
So often we feel we are tagging behind this disease going wherever it leads us leaving us lacking control of our lives. We try hard to change what is happening but Rheumatoid Arthritis is something that is uncertain and unpredictable so we never know when or if things can be done by us. We fall short of completing many tasks or even being able to do anything so depending on others makes life much more difficult. We never expected to be or wanted to be someone who constantly turn to others for help but our independence has been interrupted. There are many tears that flow because of our loss, guilt and disabilities.
In the end, what we want most is to be able to do what is normal but normalcy for us is vague. Our normal has now become what Rheumatoid Arthritis deems it to be which leaves us to face a life filled with challenges that affect everyone in our lives. We never want to be known as or felt to be a burden because we have been dealt with limitations and challenges that have now become a part of our daily lives. This is all hard on each of us and those in our lives so we ask “Am I Your Burden! If you feel we are, we are not to blame but a disease known as Rheumatoid Disease.