Rheumatoid Arthritis do people really know what this disease is and what it does to those who suffer with it? You and I do. It is painful, painful, painful. No one can imagine our pain.
The pain of what we feel cannot be measured in numbers and the days we feel pain cannot be counted. This ongoing battle with our pain is a daily reminder of what Rheumatoid Arthritis does to our body. You may hear us talk about it, see us cry about but it still does not show just how bad this pain we suffer is. It is indescribable.
Putting into words what our pain is like is an almost impossible task. Some may say it’s like a knife stabbing you, a bad toothache, bones twisting and joints on fire and these are just some thoughts. Being in pain and finding yourself missing a step because your hips are giving out without warning, seeing your hands refusing to do any of the things you find simple while your whole body can just stop working as the pain ravishes it is our reality. Can anyone imagine pain like this. We never take for granted the moments when our bodies are quiet and I say quiet because our pain is always speaking to us loud and clear. It is our constant companion.
To speak about our pain in no way are we complaining because we actually hate talking about how much it is since some might say we sound like a broken record, saying the same old thing over and over again but it is our truth. Well I can say with certainty that ours is never the same on any given day. The severity maybe different and so may the joint but for us to mention our pain it has to be to the point where it is unbearable since we have learned to bear it as best we can. Though this may be hard, we do it for the sake of ourselves and those in our lives.
How many times we’ve hidden our pain. Lying in bed and crying silently to no end simply because it was impossible to sleep and impossible to make the pain go away. How many times have we hidden our pain because we don’t want to hear the negativity that this disease bring or see people give us “the roll of eyes” because they’ve heard it all before. No we’re not playing with our pain for any reasons, the truth is, our lives are now built around our pain. Pain that you can’t imagine. Can many imagine the bottom of your feet hurting. Not from your shoes, not from walking too much but because RA is attacking those joints making something that is suppose to be simple so difficult. I say this because many might say this is a strange place to have pain but you see for us no joint is a safe place. No joint is overlooked by Rheumatoid Arthritis and any joint can put a stop to your day.
Pain has put so much of our lives in the past. The past where we can only look back and wish we could make it be our future again. We know so much of what came easy now we struggle with or we can no longer do. Do we still try, yes because we want to be normal, who doesn’t, especially us since we have been forced to give up so much. Things that so many take for granted but not us because we now know how tough it is to come to the realization that so many simple things are now impossible to do. We never knew how much of our normalcy we would loss to this disease.
To live normal is our dream. To many we may appear to being doing what is normal but in reality our lives are so far from normal. Little do people know that beneath our smiles, our slow walks, our attention to detail, our family time or our days at work is a person hoping to make it through the day. We’re hoping that we hold up long enough to give in to our tired and aching bodies at the end of what has been a horrendous day. Our normalcy is a life built on pain and fatigue and all that goes with this vicious disease.
Dealing with our pain is just as painful. We’re broken, depressed and medicated barely able to function while trying to find relief but still having to do what is expected of us. Many may watch us was we struggle wondering what the problem is while others already know and ignore it. Deep inside we are lonely with our pain because honestly we are the only ones who truly understand our plight. Though we say how bad we feel, others sympathize but continue with something else as if our words are quickly forgotten. Sympathy gone and conversation changed is something we have to try to get us too. Is it really understanding on their part? We hear so much how people say they “get it” but deep down do.
We understand each other and what we go through and we always will but our hope is that someday others truly will too.