My pain never ends, my body is broken down and my mind is working overtime, all from having Rheumatoid Arthritis. I am so worn out from just being worn out. This is a lonely disease that we so often face alone!! The bumpy road of having this chronic disease. This blog is for each and every one of us suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis. The “I” is for you because I know how you feel!
I am so worn out from worrying so much
I am so worn out from wondering what is next for me
I am so worn out from the pain that I’m constantly in
I am so worn out from the fatigue that I can’t seem to shake
I am so worn out from the medication that adds to my pain and suffering
I am so worn out from trying to carry the load of others
I am so worn out from trying to make others understand;
Yes I am tired of dealing with a disease that always make me fight never letting me find the peace and rest that I need. I still have to go on because that is what I must do but some days I have no choice but to give in to Rheumatoid Arthritis. The struggle is tough and sometimes I feel I have lost the battle so I lay down and do the best I can to cope with its fury. Yet laying down does not ease the pain, medication does not work so I’m left to suffer until by chance I’m given a little break which is rare. This is what it’s like to be worn out, worn down and left at the mercy of a disease that is very hard to control. I wish each and every day that I could get some peace for my body and mind even if it’s temporary. But for me, I have come to accept that Rheumatoid Arthritis and Peace does not go together. My body doesn’t know it and my mind can’t comprehend it because living with my chronic disease is what my body knows best.
Will I ever find peace from my pain and suffering
Will I ever find peace from the emotional turmoil this disease piles on me
Will I ever find peace in a life so full of changes
Will I ever find peace from the guilt of having this disease
Will I ever find peace from what I cannot control;
Still I yearn for ways of coping with having Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am constantly on guard, afraid of what can or may happen next. I do worry about myself, my family and our lives together as I take on this difficult battle. I often sit and wonder, how can I possibly be the person whose life has been turned upside down by a disease that I knew so little about but has learned it is one that leaves so much damage in its wake. I Am the carrier of a disease that is known to be devastating and I know it truly is. As I am trying to cope with the many facets of it, I find myself feeling lost, isolated and so misunderstood because what it does to a person, many can’t see it or don’t believe it. This is why I yearn so often for those things that seems out of my reach.
I yearn for acceptance that this is not my fault
I yearn for the understanding I so desperately need
I yearn for support from those in my life
I yearn for relief for my body and mind
I yearn for ways to cope with this dreadful disease
I yearn for a cure for us all;
Through all that I go through, I often find that I am alone in my fight. Sometimes I feel more isolated than my words can tell you. This disease has set me apart from those who should be by my side. It is so sad because I find myself seeking comfort and understanding in my own mind because others seem to have a problem accepting all that has changed since RA has entered my life. It is a tragedy when I have to talk to myself about my pain, my expectations, my needs, my wishes, my emotions, my hurt, the loneliness and this disease and how I wish I didn’t have to talk to myself at all. To some that may sound strange but without support, I am all that I have.
Can’t you see, I feel so alone
Can’t you see, being alone is a sad place for me to be
Can’t you see, I need more than myself in this fight
Can’t you see, being isolated means Rheumatoid Arthritis is winning
Can’t you see, the fight is Ours not just mine to win;
So you see, being worn out, hoping for peace, isolation and yearning for what this disease won’t allow us to do or to have are tragedies of my chronic life changing disease. This is Rheumatoid Arthritis As I know It.
photo credit: johnhain/pixabay.com
January 3, 2017 at 7:34 pm
I hope 2017 brings you less isolation, more comfort, relief and understanding.
January 4, 2017 at 2:35 am
I struggle to find peace in the isolation that this disease has created for me. It’s a heavy load that I bear all by myself. As a result, I get angry and bitter with each passing day that my body is not like it used to be. I wish with all my heart that the RA would go away just as swiftly as it arrived nearly a year ago. Thank you for putting into words what I have struggled to say on my own. Best regards to you and your RA journey, I sincerely hope you get peace and into remission in the future.
January 4, 2017 at 2:41 am
I’m so sorry that you’re alone in your struggles but that’s the way it is for a lot of us. I hope you can find others you can reach out to just to vent and please feel free to vent here any time. As long as we know what each other is going through we have someone to talk to but I know having family on your corner makes a world of difference. May God Bless you and I hope you feel better physically and mentally. Blessings to you.
January 4, 2017 at 10:10 am
You seriously need to change your Rheumatologist. There IS help out there.
January 4, 2017 at 1:25 pm
Hi I’m fine with my rheumatologist but my blogs are basically about what sufferers go through in general. I use my blog to speak for those that may have these problems but don’t know how to put them into words. Yes some of these things I do go through but not all of them. I am thinking about what and how this disease affect us all in some form or fashion. Blessings.
January 17, 2017 at 2:19 am
You put the pain so out there it is terrific. I read the comments and felt better to know that you are in good hands. Many doctors do not give much care and it makes people sad and even more sick. Hope for your good recovery and better life dear.. Have fun, take care.
January 17, 2017 at 2:24 am
Thank you so much. My words in my blog are for all of us. Each one of us are going through different things so I try to touch on something that fit anyone of us. Maybe some of us are okay and that’s good but so many face a lot of what I write about.Again, thank you and be Blessed.
January 31, 2017 at 7:14 pm
Yes, yes, yes!! Love this post… I was diagnosed with RA about 2 years ago and all I can say is “yes” to everything in this post. Glad to have found your blog and look forward to connecting and reading more. Thank you!
January 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm
Thank you for stopping by. I really appreciate it. I hope you’re doing well. Blessings.
February 17, 2017 at 2:04 pm
I am very sorry for your struggle. I also suffer from RA so I totally understand the agony that is this disease.
February 17, 2017 at 2:10 pm
Thank you for checking out my blog. It is actually written for all of us to show not just my struggles but for any of us who has RA so this for you as well. God Bless you and thanks again.
May 12, 2017 at 6:53 pm
I completely understand
June 21, 2017 at 4:35 am
Thank you for this blog. My dad suffers from this horrible disease and the look in his eyes of pain everyday brings me to tears.. i am always researching this disease and looking for ways to help him. No one deserves this.
June 21, 2017 at 11:24 am
Thank you Gina for reading my blog. I am so sorry to hear about your father. Yes this disease is horrible. I don’t have the worse of it but I’m always in pain. I actually had a bad night last night. May God Bless you and your dad.
November 1, 2017 at 7:50 am
I’m so sorry you’re suffering, be gentle on yourself, take care 🙂
November 1, 2017 at 11:19 am
Thank you so much. God Bless you.
October 9, 2018 at 6:43 am
Thank you for the Beautiful words🌷 I felt like this is me when I read your post.
October 9, 2018 at 11:00 am
I’m truly sorry. I hope things get better. God Bless you.