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LONELINESS

You look in the mirror, you stare at yourself, you see the new you, not the person you use to be and you wonder will you ever see an ounce of that old you ever again.  Where has that person gone, where has Rheumatoid Arthritis taken you and some of those precious in your life.  Why do I feel so alone you think!!  Have they turned their backs on me? Why Does It Have To Be This Way!!  The words and thoughts of the lonely one.

You have Rheumatoid Arthritis, you try to accept it and you do your best to come to terms with it.  You are also forced to do what you have to in order to live life with this disease and all of the struggles it is forcing you to face.  But are you facing your struggles alone?  Are you looking this new life in the face all by yourself as you search for the support you need while life as you knew it is slowly but surely slipping away almost everyday. Getting your diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis brought with it much confusion and many complications.  Expecting but not knowing what was in store for your life was just the beginning of your long, long journey with something you had no idea would take away parts of your old life so quickly.  With that diagnosis came changes that stunned and hurt you to your very core leaving you wondering how in the world am I going to handle this life that has been thrown at me with no direct course in sight.  The ups and downs of life with Rheumatoid Arthritis, it sure can be so lonely.  Sometimes lonely when we cry to ourselves as we try hard to accept all of the changes coming our way.

Your life took a turn but much of what was expected was nothing near the reality of what was going to happen.  You found instead of understanding came the let downs, the misinterpretations and your supposed cries for pity and you found your road to making it  better would be a lonely one as you learned while going through all of your difficulties you would lose many along the way for all of the wrong reasons. But, what they didn’t get was how much your suffering would be from these 2 words, Rheumatoid Arthritis and how much more you would need them in your life at this point.  They didn’t get how much you would suffer daily from the pain that never lets up that caused changes for you physically and mentally.  The pain that left you lying in bed needing comfort but it was not to be. You needed their support which would bring with it warmth, compassion and love, things that would make the difference in letting you know “No You Are Not Alone” but those words were sometimes more of a wish than a reality.   Why have I been left to go through this alone?  This is the sad reality of what some of us face with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It is real and it is a very painful and lonely truth.

You never thought getting RA would cost you more than your physical abilities, your emotional psychic, your self reliance but also the loss of those you thought would be your rock and would be there to help hold you together.  Why do they leave and What Did I Do Wrong you’re thinking!  Is it because “the road is too rocky, the burden too heavy, chronic is too long, or maybe they don’t want to deal with what they fail to see happening to you.  Still there are those that stay in our lives but has left us emotionally which is the same as  being alone.  They watch our lives change but turn a blind eye to the difference maybe because our reality of our disease is not theirs.  We face an illness that has transformed us mentally if not physically so we will never be the same and for those that cannot see and understand this are people that cannot and probably will not ever really accept what it means to have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  A very lonely disease.

What we’ve had to learn along the way, for us there’s no help but selfishness, no understanding but agitation, no support but hostility, no hope but despair and no conversations but opinions.  This is how it can be without the true understanding of this disease.  So remember, life alone with Rheumatoid Arthritis can almost be as harmful as having this disease.  Support us, understand us, love us and stand with us because being lonely can eat away at the soul.

TO BE LONELY IS TO BE ALONE
TO BE ALONE IS TO BE MISUNDERSTOOD
TO BE ALONE AND MISUNDERSTOOD IS DEVASTATING;

Be Blessed.

photo credit:  skitterphoto/pixabay.com