Angry, who are you angry at, have you thought much about that? Those that fail to understand your circumstances. ( Maybe angry is a little harsh in this instance). Are you angry that Rheumatoid Arthritis has come into your life and changed it forever? How about sitting alone thinking about Rheumatoid Arthritis and how it has taken over your life while also realizing this is your cross to bear maybe with help or maybe alone. Do you think about that a lot? Do you sit and think how your life has become one that’s filled with pain, loneliness and uncertainty? How do you handle it! I myself thankfully blog, putting my thoughts in print for all of us. You see what I’m feeling isn’t just about me, it is something that I’m sure all of you are feeling as well. Are you as angry at this disease as I am for entering my life? Anger that has built up over time just as it has changed our lives over time but it is something we cannot change and have to live with.
Life with Rheumatoid Arthritis is complicated, confusing, depressing and down right cruel. It does to us more than most can imagine or even care to imagine. No one would guess that while we’re sitting quietly, we’re not quiet inside at all because mentally we maybe thinking about what at the moment is hurting us. Is it your shoulder, your hip, your hand or your feet-always something right there at the edge of your mind ripping your quietness away. You see we may appear to be sitting quietly and peacefully but with this disease there is no quiet time or peaceful time because your body is forever talking to you. To find rest with Rheumatoid Arthritis is an almost an impossibility since it is always crowding our minds and bodies with pain and fatigue and a host of other problems. It pushes our minds to anger, then depression, causing stress that without a doubt is “very hazardous to our health”. This is not a cry for pity, sadness or signs of weakness, it is our truths. The truth that so many fail to see or give us the benefit of expressing without criticizing us. This you see adds to our anger at this injustice we face while facing Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Unfortunately for us, we tend to turn our suffering inward because it is our self reliant mechanism of protecting ourselves from the hurt and judgment that comes with this disease. It is our own selfless way of protecting our already wounded spirit from those who feel we are forever in pain, repeating the same old thing or should I say from those who feel we always have something different going on, so we keep our suffering to ourselves which is as painful as this disease. Though we yearn to release our anger and hurt at this disease and the fallout from having it, we hold back because others don’t understand our struggles and in so many instances refuse to attempt to began to reach out for any understanding at all. It is sad and so hurtful to have to suffer in silence when what we really need is all of the love and support that one should have when they are sick and suffering from any disease. We should not have to worry about protecting ourselves from harmful comments, harsh stares and bitter isolation but should be working with each other toward seeking understanding from what we have no control over. We hide our physical and mental pain which makes it hurt that much more thus causing us be angry. It is the worst shame for anyone to have to hide their suffering for ANY REASON at all. Why are we angry!!! The buildup of our circumstances and consequences of having Rheumatoid Arthritis dictating our lives.
So as we sit alone and you think we’re sitting quietly: We Maybe crying silently, going through a bout of depression, needing a gentle hug, some peace, Praying for strength or to be pain-free or simply counting how many joints are hurting that no one can see. Our time is never quiet, we have been stripped of our peace and slowly the anger at RA has permeated our being but we will do our best to fight it. Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. Yes, I would say we are angry and have a right to be but we must not let it take over who we are. Rheumatoid Arthritis, our chronic disease will be with us forever, lets try not to let anger be another chronic effect that’s with us forever.