Rheumatoid Arthritis, our fight for life. If you had to choose what is worse for you having Rheumatoid Arthritis, what would it be? I know there is so much for us to choose from but what exactly frustrates you to no end that makes dealing with this disease so much harder than you thought it could be or is it everything all wrapped up in one.
Let us see!! Is it the PAIN that racks your body each and everyday. The pain that seems to reroute your days and upset your nights. Pain that is so debilitating that medication for it is nothing more than something prescribed in hopes of helping you out temporarily. We all wish for a break from the pain long enough to know once again what it feels like to be pain-free. Yes pain-free, hope that has long since been gone from our minds. Our constant companion.
Maybe it’s the Fatigue. The fatigue that you hate so much that you wish you could literally toss it away. The fatigue that drowns you in weakness causing you to be lifeless when you only wish you could do any of the things you need to do or is it the fatigue that wears out your mind and body leaving you powerless to fight this disease. Being so worn out that you feel your body will never be itself again. Your wish for this monster to release you is fruitless so you continue suffering while others wonder “what has come over you” because you no longer seem to be the person they once knew.
Now could it be the Misunderstanding of Rheumatoid Arthritis and how it affects you! The disbelief of how people keep mistaking Rheumatoid Arthritis for arthritis and wondering why you’re always saying you’re hurting, fatigued and sick. They do not understand when you say your immune system is at fault for your illness, so they don’t get why you are sick so much and have more going on than what they think are just aches and pains. Getting them to understand we are taking life altering medication is just a passing thought, so telling them our lives are changed more than just a little is just more of our words going unheard about a disease they don’t understand or really care to understand. Understanding, another fight we have to make right for ourselves.
What about Medication! The the thing that is given to help with our disease but comes at a price. Medication that is really hit or miss for us because we’re trying it for a time just to see if it will work and if not, we change it or add to it. Getting it right is our dream and hope but that is a long dream and a high hope but we’re not giving up on fixing it. Our medication causes pain, confusion, illness and it’s an ongoing process of finding the “right” fix. We are forever drawn in because it is what we need to fight this disease.
Okay so how about Guilt! That feeling you get when you feel you have let yourself and your family down because you have been stripped of your abilities to do the things that were once special or simple for you to do. The tears the guilt brings when you look at yourself and realize you cannot be what and how you once were. Your strength and power has been taken from you and replaced with many hopes and wishes. Though it’s not your fault, the guilt rips at you because you feel you have failed in so many ways. Nothing eases our guilt as we battle this disease to be more than just a shell of our old selves. It weighs on us each and everyday, never to waiver.
How about Depression! Are you so tired of dealing with all of the things that RA is throwing at you and the constant fight to stay ahead of it. Depression, the constant pain that works on your mind, the lack of sleep that clouds your mind and fatigue that grips your mind. Dealing with the lack of understanding and not having the support you need draws you into isolation which makes it harder to cope with your disease and makes your journey a very lonely one giving way to your fall into the pit of depression. A place we don’t deserve to be.
Is it needed Sleep you’re not getting! Though you’re tired to the bone and worn out like never before but sleep seems to escape you. How in the world can this be. You are so tired so why can’t you sleep and stop the tossing and turning and listening to darkness as it slowly slips by taking what seems to be forever to pass. You wrestle through the night but you just can’t get your body to give in to the sleep you need so desperately, the thing that will allow you some temporary relief. Sleep is not to be found.
So it maybe hard to choose one over the other because they are all equally evil. They bond together to give Rheumatoid Arthritis the strength to break us down and change our lives forever. But no matter which one is worse for you, they all are a part of Rheumatoid Arthritis, the disease that affects our lives with pain, fatigue, lack of understanding, depression, no sleep and high risk medications. These things we are forced to live with because of this disease.
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