When we Speak, are you Listening. When we Cry, can you Hear us. When we Reach, can we Find you. When we Hurt, can you See it.
Are you feeling breathless because you feel you have been running for days, months or years at a time but just not going anywhere. Trying to leave something behind but it just won’t let you go. That something is Rheumatoid Arthritis, our disease, our most faithful companion.
Are you tired of feeling tired and you just want to find a place where you can rest your head, your heart and your aching body. But even when you do that, you just can’t leave behind that one thing that’s making your life miserable. It just won’t let you get the peace that you want so bad and so need. You’re running on empty with nothing but pain filling you up and that is a heavy load to keep pulling.
Yes we are tired, broken and wanting to be fixed but can’t seem to find any of what we need. We’re wishing for support and understanding or someone just to listen as we reach our breaking point or our point of epic pain and need to reach out for comfort from those we love or those we feel should be there for us. Getting that shouldn’t be as difficult as it’s turned out to be. Why is that? Are we asking too much or are we seeking too much. We are not ones to put our burdens on others intentionally and most of us if not all of us would never lay our burdens at others feet if we could carry them alone. Only do we ask for support when we need it and crave it. Our lives are as tough as it gets and we just want a little bit of help along the way.
Can this journey be lightened? That is what we want to see. Why is it that we have to deal with Rheumatoid Arthritis and its many evils. Dealing with feeling alone, dealing with being alone and dealing with trying our best not to be alone. Not all of us are alone but each of us at some point has felt it though it might not have been intentional. We’re busy trying to protect those we love and those in our lives all the while trying desperately to gain some of what we need as we sacrifice ourselves in some ways. We deal with guilt as we fall short in many, many ways and we subconsciously punish ourselves for being so. We want so much to be and do all that we once did but we can’t and will never be able to again. This, we feel somehow is our fault but this disease has caused us to lose so much. It has taken away who we are, what we were and changed who we are going to be. It has also caused us to lose some of our family and friends and that is just the beginning.
Do we want this all to be better! Yes we do. If we could turn back the clock and change things with this disease we would but this is not our call so we must endure. We must bear all that it brings no matter how tough it gets. What would make this time better for us and do what the medicines can’t do, just some simple love, understanding and support. This may not take away our debilitating pain but it will surely help us through it. We want what is not suppose to be hard to get. The things that should be easy and natural. Not something that we have to force from someone or fight to get. Not a one sided conversation where you only hear your echo when you speak. Not a love that you have pull from someone. Not a hug that you have to manipulate to get. Not a listening ear that let your words go straight through to the other side. Not “I understand” when you haven’t heard a word I’ve said and definitely not someone who is going to walk away from me when I can’t do what I use to and I don’t look the way I use to.
All we ask is that we are accepted for the things that we can no longer do, (though some of us still struggle to do them), the walk that we may no longer have, that cheerful smile that warmed so many, the hair that we may have lost, our once slender fingers that our rings use to fit on, the pep in our steps that’s now gone, our emotional selves and above all the thing that makes all of this the most difficult, the pains that we can’t run away from. If this can be accepted and truly understood, think of what a selfless act this would be and how we all would feel in the end.
photo credit: diamond mack