Our dream for our lives is to never have gotten Rheumatoid Arthritis but we did, so this is how it goes. Do you ever feel that you’re never going to stop hurting? Do you go through your day and realize you can’t remember the last time you felt good or the last time you felt normal. Or should I even say as normal as that would be in a life with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Is this how your life is going? It doesn’t take long to answer this question, I know, this is my life too.
As I sit writing this blog, my hands hurt the most but while dealing with this pain it motivates me to write to all of the warriors to let you know: I know what you’re going through and I feel the pain that you feel, maybe not as bad as you do all of the time but your pain is my pain and my pain is your pain. We all suffer with it and we all wonder “Is there ever a break for us”.
It’s amazing how in our lives we’ve become so accustomed to the days in which we have to find a way to manage the pain in order to carry on with the things we have to do daily while silently praying the pain would just go away. This has become our norm, finding a way to keep our resolve when we are worn out and and feel almost defeated by our continued fight with this disease. The days when there isn’t much pain or no pain is a rarity for the majority of us but when we do have those precious moments we’re almost afraid to acknowledge it for fear they can’t actually be real. This is what this disease does to us, this is what we go through. When I had those days, my mind actually played this crazy trick on me in which it had me thinking “Do I really have RA”. That was the game it played on me in the past, now it’s as real as it’s always been. My pain is with me always and I no longer wonder about the diagnosis. I realize being pain-free is a treasure that we only get to experience every now and then but still we are often hoping, wishing and praying for that rare treasure.
Our lives are filled with so much pain all of the time and to gain just a little bit of freedom from it is one of the things that we want so much. To have the joy of a day filled with the least of what this disease offers is an ultimate goal of ours. Having to deal with the pain and all of the uncertainties of Rheumatoid Arthritis keeps our focus directed in so many different ways. Wondering what to expect next but knowing whatever else might be going on, it is certain the pain will be a constant. A constant that we can neither hide or ignore in our plight to make our lives seem somewhat normal in hopes of being strong for our families even though we maybe at the brink of our worse. A break from the pain is what we all want and need and it is truly rare to get those moments but when we do, we find that we punish ourselves unknowingly by trying to fit everything we want and need to do into that time and end up facing the monster which can then be fiercer. So no matter how we do it, we are at the mercy of the pain from Rheumatoid Arthritis and all of that it offers.
So as we struggle in our journey, we not only work for moments of being pain-free but for time of getting it right for longevity of being pain-free. But our ultimate goal and hope is that one day each of us is forever rid of this disease whether in remission or permanently. While we strive for the best fit for ourselves, we take on this disease with vigor and that is for the best outcome that we can possibly get. Can we adjust to the constant reminder which is Pain? No we can’t and we never will because it is so unpredictable, never ever being the same.