For each of us with rheumatoid arthritis I’m sure at some point have dealt with depression. It slips in on you when you least expect it and it can be mild or overwhelming. Either way, it takes it hold on you.
Depression has it’s meaning, feelings of despondency and dejection but I think in our case it’s a feeling of being overwhelmed, thoughts of going through something that we have no control over at any time and dealing with pain everyday. This brings on a sense of “what can I do”. It’s a feeling of why is this happening to me and why do I have to go through this. We may or may not be despondent or feel dejected but I know we get so overwhelmed that we find ourselves feeling lost as we struggle to put our situation into perspective. We know this is what we have to deal with but there are times we lose our way.
For me the depression is subtle. The best way that I can explain it, it’s a sad feeling or a feeling that something is missing. As I try, it is hard to explain but when I feel this way, I find that I have to move, to do something, so here I am, putting it into words the best I can. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. This is how it actually started for me since I’m being honest with you and myself. I looked at my right hand, the one that gives me all of the problems and my fingers as I’ve spoken about before are not as straight as they once were. This is not a new fact for me but for some reason today (9-19), it surprised me as I worked to straightened them out and they look a little different than they did before. So that’s okay, why is this bothering me now? Maybe because the depression was lying just beneath the surface and needed to come out. Really I believe that’s a good thing because if it builds, I think that can create a bigger problem. This is just my personal feeling and what works for me. Do I feel better now? Yes I do but it’s still lingering a little bit. I’m happy that it didn’t take too long for me to let some of it go by blogging but for some, it’s not that easy. Blogging is my therapy, it is my door that I open and step in to lay my head down and release my thoughts and worries. So here I am sharing with you. Am I sad, no not at all. If it makes anyone understand and feel better, then my therapy has worked.
Rheumatoid Arthritis and Depression go hand in hand I’m sure from dealing with the constant pain we endure, our physical self or sometimes it comes from the medication we’re taking for our RA. Some maybe able to handle depression in ways without medication but some have to have it in order to help them along and some even seek help from a professional. However it’s handled, depression is another one of the processes that we have to deal with in our journey with RA.
What everyone must know it is nothing to be ashamed of and it is nothing that we should be stigmatized for. It is what comes with a chronic disease that not only affects us physically but mentally and this is just a part of this battle we face. Being depressed is a process that we all have to work our way through and it is a process that we each have to figure out what is the best fix that works in our own situation. We no more asked for it than we did rheumatoid arthritis. Though together these two are, we will likely find more relief from depression than rheumatoid arthritis since this disease is with us to stay. My hope and prayer is that depression is not.
So to yourself, be not discouraged but be strong and fight just as hard for your emotional self as you do for your physical self because it takes both to survive it all. You are a warrior in RA (rheumatoid arthritis) and you can be and will be a warrior in ED (emotional depression). Though things may get touch, I salute you for the strong and diligent person that you are because I know you will dig deep to find the fight that you need to survive for all that you have and all that you are.
Do you say to yourself “I am my strongest weapon” against an invisible disease known as depression. Yes you are!!
photo credit: upsplash/geral/pixabay.com